Malaysian artist Lim Zhi Wei adorns her watercolors entitled “ Flowergirls” with real flowers, to a stunning effect.
How are people so creative and artsy, and how can I be them
if you aren’t hyped about synthetic life and colonizing space then get out of my face
Even Galapagos tortoises enjoy watermelon in the summer. Watch the full video.
This is probably gonna sound really dumb. In fact I’m sure it will and it is.
I don’t know what to think of it but I think I started to experience feelings again today. After not being able to for almost a year, not even being able to cry when someone dies or in sad movies or even under stress, barely caring about anything and feeling so fake about the sympathy I showed others and pretending to care about my life so I don’t have to talk about it. In fact the only thing I felt was love for my cat, but who can hate her I mean really. This all sounds pathetic right? And I was okay with it cuz it kept me from having emotional outbursts and was probably the biggest thing that stopped me from dropping out. But then after the buzz of Uni was over and I wasn’t busy with work any more, I just realised my life was so empty. I didn’t care to talk to my friends and partially avoided them just cuz I dunno? I realised there wasn’t really anyone I longed to be with, I realised I forgot what love felt like, to give and to have, my eyes were so dry and I actually wanted to cry, there’s nothing I’m excited about, I have no hopes and dreams. If there was a book about my life it would be a short monotone uneventful unmoving piece of crap with the second half of it’s pages just completely blank. And when I realised that I cared, for a split second. It was like I looked at my past, present and future all the same, so impartial, so disconnected from myself and everyone in my life. I don’t know? Do people fucking notice? Do the people in my life even see me? Do they realise how hopeless I am? I care so little of what people thing of me (which is liberating, don’t get me wrong) but it’s like to the point where I don’t even know what my own mother thinks of me.
I don’t know what I’m getting at here…
Anyways I haven’t taken my meds in a few days cuz no one bothered to get them for me (even though I went to the doc to get the prescription myself for them) and kindof also cuz I thought I was fine now and that all the anxiety and depression was just Uni stress. But here I am crying about everything. Everything. How I’m wasting away my life, how there’s no one I feel connected to, how there are people suffering in the world, and how I feel so fucking crippled. Just all of a sudden, while driving with my family, I took the wrong lane on the roundabout and felt like the biggest screw up and just started crying on the inside then I hit the curb, scared the living shit out of my parents, took my hands off the wheel while the car was going to scream (cuz u know u need ur hands to scream) got home and cried, pet my cat who then ran away and I cried harder…. And just…. So pathetic. What is happening.
Frankly if rather just go back to not feeling anything. Because I know I have nothing going for me. And I know what everyone would say, “you just gotta put in the effort to turn you life around and seize the day and la la la” I know. I really know. But why am I not doing that? I was such a bright kid. How disappointing.
And obv I’m here typing meaningless shit to no one because somehow being a loner and ignoring everyone in my life feels more comfortable to me. So lame